I am sorry...I am very sorry...for I've hurt you both...I've hurt you for 2 months ago...and I've hurt you for just 2 weeks ago...I am sorry...very sorry...I've told you both that it is my problem, my fucking problem...my fucking problem of having the biggest heart which it could release two Loves in the air and I've given them to you, but the one is still hanging in the air but has a pulled-string tied to you, the new one...I'm sorry..very sorry...I don't play you both, I really have the feelings for you, but let me clarify these as either of you won't listen to me that much when i really want to explain and seed it in your mind...These clarifications may hurt either of you, but we are humans that need something like these for we can understand what has been going on to that person, and that person is unfortunately me...Me Mark, Me Bad...i'm sorry, very sorry.
To You
1. I was in Form 5 that I'd laid my eyes on you...remember, only my eyes, not my thoughts of you...My eyes captured your beauty and then your intelligence...Yes, I do love intelligence of any forms, because intelligence makes me happy...You were that time making me happy...However, I did not come to you, to say "I love you"...You were the one who said it...You had realised that I had laid my eyes on you, but telling you the truth as I had mentioned once in our relationship that "I just laid my eyes on you, I didn't want to love you, or to like you, I would love the time could say for us"...I hope you remember this...I didn't come to you, you came to me. Stepping in front of me, and you said those things that made me blushed and giggled...and then, you thanked God for I wanted you, and we managed to stay on for almost 7 years, now it is 6 years and a half...
let me tell you, as we have been working up and out on our things, yes i eventually said that i loved you...and we are working it together days and nights...but 4 months ago and I think you've known so badly about me and my likeness before the last 4 months, I've confessed to you in February that
a) we've been together for so long, and I feel drain out
b) i'm still in love with you, but i cannot feel the sparks of my love to you
c) i'm not tired tolerating but i'm tired of smashing my life to progress up this
d) but luckily, i don't say i want to end it, because i really want to try to find the sparks of my love to you in the air
e) i cannot force myself to shut my another atrium of One Big Love of my heart....It's killing me, but I silence it when I'm with you because you are a human, not a wall...and you know that Love is meant for another one who is unlikely you...you feel that one is a competition to you because you really understand that this is my problem, not yours, or both of yours...i'm sorry, very sorry...
2. I thank you for giving me the opportunity of being honest and sincere in our relationship and of course, this time, of being sincere in explaining this to you...and you've agreed that you'd let me choose which one of you I would love to and stay put...you know that we humans need to move on whatever things happen between us...and I'm very sorry to you for I hurt you with my fucking problem of loving another person who is unlikely you...and I knelt to you that time..(I'm sorry for I wrote "and I knelt to you that time" for forgiveness because I think that it is a good way of you to realise how my misery is complementing my presence in you)...i'm sorry, very sorry...There are lists of explanations i have said to you, verbally and non-verbally and I thank God for your undivided understanding to me..
To you, the new one and unlikely her
1. I've hurt you 2 weeks ago, i feel it because you are very good at hiding your expressions, well we all are like that...I know I'm not supposed to say that I've another one for 6 years and a half now to you...But, you have sold me your confidence of asking me to put my 100% trustworthy in you, and I have bought it...i tell you, I have bought it and that's why I've told you the truth that I really do have this fucking problem and I have another one...i'm sorry, very sorry...I'm not supposed to be a rookie for this for you, but I think and I've thought that I should tell you that, because I don't want to be a dickhead for you, and to be an insincere human less person to you....I've read your poems and I felt so guilty...so let me clarify these to you and I hope you will understand much...
a) My big heart has released another form of elopement to someone whom I've fallen in love with words and intelligence in words...You said that I loved you because of your looks, well your looks was not my X factor...Your Intelligence in Words is my X Factor of loving you. I've told you that whoever and whatever you are, I accept you really well...I'm not blind. I don't say I don't know what I've said, I know what and why I'm doing this to you....
b) above all, I'm fine waiting for you...no pressures...
c) Do not think of the other one's feelings, because you both know that this is my problem, i will try to crash myself up to decide which one of you i will take or other things that I will decide...
d)...and I'm sorry for she knows you, and she says firmly that she will not hurt you at any levels because she is ready to compete you within these intense months of 2010..
2. I'm sorry so much...me bad...
3. And please don't be afraid of this, don't be afraid and don't be stiff, I beg you...
To Both of You
Do not blame yourself for me thinking about my misery in comprehending my fucking problem, I'm sorry for being indulged into duality, but I just have a big heart...
If one of you or both of you decide that me is pathetic to be clung on, and I'm not saying this with Self-Pitying Mood, because this is the reality...I am fine letting either one of you or you both go because it seems that I am the no-good-enough-heart animal that makes you both like punch bags...I'm sorry, very sorry...
I hope both of you understand the two clarifications, and try to re-connect the figuration of my intentions towards you both...I beg you for this...
don't worry about me, I did this to you both, I feel miserable, but I don't want you both feel it too because I am into duality....I've tried and try, and will try so hard to make my heart smaller, my sexuality off the trail, and to ensure that I would choose one and stay put until the end...If there's no sparks going on, I will not let myself into it anymore. I will ignite the sparks, but if I cannot do it, I'll let you go...because you are a human...
I'm sorry to you, and I will let you know when my heart stops finding the sparks because you have confirmed me, and I do know you, really really well, that you will be fine and moving on with my decisions..I thank you for your undivided understanding...
I'm sorry to you for I run after you...BUT, I make everything so clear to you that I have said "I love you" straight to your face that time...and I'm sorry to you for you might think that I just play you but I am not...and no pressures please is I ask from you, I'm fine...I do love you..
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for liking me
Me Mark, Me Bad, I am sorry, very sorry....
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