A Simple Me, Daring For Ultimatums

Friday, September 9, 2011

Being A Medical Doctor or An English Teacher?

I am not proud, but happy, that though arguments were rough during my schooling years in secondary school for my parents did not want me to be away from them anymore, because having a child is supposedly raising it with your bare eyes, not having him away for 18 years for better education and its cultural experience and just imagining him growing up, when he came back you had forgotten how he smiled childishly, how his voice changed, how he started to develop some classic defenses for himself and his parents and others, I have been given the opportunity to use my brain as extremely as I must.

My long long last friends since kindergarten and primary schools who always acquainted me with the loneliness feelings for just a sip of love, though my mother always cried when she sent me off, my father hid his tears well, my sisters who always wrote me a letter of comfort and confidence, my brothers whom I did not see them growing, luckily I saw them when they were still red, squishy little babies; pictures had them all but pictures had frozen them for just one snappy aperture; I was sitting in the classroom, rising my hands high, for others would not be asked, scoring more As than anybody, scoring more Stars, had been the most favourable student among others, being bullied, being the bully, caught into a fight or more fights, had my fists and legs at the seniors and juniors, had been quarantined, had been tortured more towards my wisdom. Handling myself with just happiness, joy and rationales. I don't find / I didn't find satisfactions in what my brain has brought up to the community, but happiness, joy and rationales evolve in me like a red rose (wah melampau suda ekspresi ini haha, but it's real, because the rose is red, has thorns, has green straps) for the community whom I worked for, whom I had treasured my brain to satisfy them about life. 
Brother Clement, whom was always watching over me, playing with the Priests and Bishop's retrievers, Labradors, and German Shepherds, making fun of myself when he asked me to join with him to pray to God that he was so furious with his phrases "Hey, you are a clown to Him" and I stopped, kneeling, praying, no, sleeping actually, always said to me "Your brain is for others to evolve and revolutinize. Use it well for people"...I just said "Yes. I will" - a child does that. seriously. 

When I came to 19 years old, I had so many golden opportunities to become what I wanted to be - a medical doctor, perhaps a surgical medical doctor. Then, one tiny unwanted offer came by - a teaching teacher for English Language, a teaching teacher for Mathematics for Program Pelajar Cemerlang. I really said "Yes, medical. FINALLY" That offers stood for 7 years and a half, first in Russia, second in the local universities - USM, UM - all full scholarships. But one minuscule reflection had all over me, "How would I eat, get heated?" because my brain was calculating all the thousand expenses. My family is not rich. My brothers and sisters were studying at that time. Then, the unwanted offer stood for 6 years of studies, the other - 5 years of studies, there went the arguments. pretty tough! I burnt all my Physics, Chemistry, Biology, and other SPM books, piles of notes, piles of my own personal reference books for learning those had me drowned for others. Biasalah darah muda - panas mcm sial. Before reaching Form 4 and 5, they had said about it already that I should not go away for years more, that I should be more a seer towards my siblings. My friends were paying attention to what I felt. My parents did pay attention. I did not pay attention to myself.

As I decided to become a TESL teacher, I went through all the beats of it in the institution, schools, and also the university. I found joy, happiness and rationales because I threw my fists of contented words like who Noam Chomsky was or Pavlov was. However, I found dryness because I had them all saying their pride too loud, like "Hey, I am much better than you, anjing! Let mine be their use for their lives" Then, thank God, I found one funny thing about these people, they had no IMPLEMENTATION EVALUATED STRATEGIES, so I bombarded again. It was really fun channeling my anger at the theory classes. Then, it came a great surprised prize, I was assigned to list all the implementation evaluated strategies. alone. nobody helped. for I am a Sabahan. for I am a different, weird, out-of-nowhere punya brain. "Wah, berani mati la ko" - that's a good mockery folks. In the end of the day, they had used mine without me permitting, they had stopped smirking when my brain started to speak up again. Am I proud? No, I am worried.

Then, I had still had my feelings over medicine, so I secretly, had entourage over scholarships for medicine. I had one. Then, it happened. Art and Science are running together in my brain. Happiness, Joy and Rationales are evolving.

I did not realise that I could not sleep for hours and hours. My body shrunk a lot. Appetite loss, heart attack, chest pains and sorts. My age is haunting me everyday, and I have started to get chilled with algorithms and imperative phrases.  

My parents did not know about this at all. My family did not know about it too. They don't know.

Through years and years, there would be some people who would steal my brain functions. Not my family. I am so sad. Anybody whom I had close relationships with had stolen those. I realised it when they were in the middle of stealing it. So, Brother Clement, what say you?

Then, my mentor said "Pick Medicine or Pick Education...that scholarship could be stopped. You are not a hero." to me. I was smiling without knowing how my smile was as strong to do but as weak to show to others. 

I am not a hero for anybody. However, people would get angry at me if I just slipped a bit, I got one mistake, cursing me all the way, making myself as their notes of singing. So, Hero, what say you now?

I will pick one...I don't want my age haunting me all the way...

I would be extremely tired, exhausted, out of energy, parsing my brain's energy and my body's energy...I know people always say "Ko suda ada itu, ko mau lg ini, tamaha jg kau ini" all the time, but they don't know what I have been feeling and been through. So, let you all just shut up, SHUT THE HELL UP!...Let me know it well and have a moment of mine which I don't bother yours.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Death - How many words we say it out loud?

Many story books, novels, films and other transcripts and manuscripts try to empower Death. Death is, for many, not a long lost friend, but an enemy of Birth. Poetry has Death as its perilous theme that it sounds undulating the whole cycles down. I do not want to swag on the famous writings, even the acrobatic film that siphons your exhales of what Death is sorting out.

I am pretty sad that Death has never even listened by us, humans. In fact, animals and trees do listen as they know how they struggle for the next cycle. I am putting this into a genre, not prescribed by religions, but a wistful sermon of the day, a reflection that others would say. Though I had the knowledge of Death based on the perspectives of religions, I do not have the power to question God and other-worldly supernatural powers above and under the Earth.

Some fictional books that I have read discuss Death into words, explaining it until the readers are asphyxiated and started to agree with the authors. They, perhaps some, find it agreeable, or figure it out as a reflection of what comes in this cycle of life. We still have life after Death surmounted, believe me. Well, I have never been called by Death before, but I had ever been solidly gestured by Death a long time ago when I was a young boy, aged less than 6, who wandered the deals of life as a new Sun-Rises-Goes-Down-Moon-is-up fathomable experience. I say it in the past tense as I do not want to report it ever – Death might come to see me again in its journey and then it would say “Meet me halfway, please.” I am alive now, still breathing; I thank Death for letting me see myself in the worldly mirror.

The gestures were as gentle as any gentleness, but I did not let it win and Death said “Losing is my Victory.” Birth is always winning and for Birth, Winning is its Victory. Birth has always gone for Phoenix, a transformation that we all might see in the medical miracles in the beds of hospitals, a word that has been officially put into the corpus of human language which is Rebirth. Death has never had one, except “Die again” which it will be mentally deficit for others to utter it even it is for a comedy show.

Nah, we all know, when we read books, films, poetry and others discussing Death by their authors in their mysterious ways, that Death hungers for something that everybody dies for – Love. Love, for others and for some, is simple to do, but it will not be encouraged by Birth. Birth has been the most hateful moment by humans, because it has the list of perseverance, roles, and kin responsibilities. Love has always been encouraged by Rebirth. Rebirth is where we see second chance puts you back into your motivation, that we would have the thoughtful actualizations. It brings Love to us after Death spoke its lines while whistling in its journey.

Why do we need Rebirth? Why do we need second chance? Why must Death pat our backs before we realize we had so many grueling moments of playing around like a reversed child-like shape?

Love in the sense of rebirth could entwine anyone’s definition to this life journey. Maybe we need the second chance in our working life, to be accepted as a progressive worker to guild up the nations. However, along the way, the substance to love is not fully supervised when we are still in our first chance. We just murdered ourselves for it – we never realize that we do that every day in our single second. Murder is already Death’s belongings, and that’s why it hungers for Love, from Rebirth.

Birth is the inter-medium to both Death and Rebirth that speaks the actions that we all must do. Love should not have come from Rebirth; it should have come from Birth because it is a sanatorium of actions that speak and do. Still, we are on our first chance, speak and do Love.

Death has been the most aggravating offence in our waking life. It tells the nature of a mortal soul goes into immortality. It does not mean we must murder any mortals to welcome Love and the Rebirth of ourselves. It means we respect Death as a congratulatory old friend that takes us as we are fated to be. Wars, famine, natural disasters and others are not encouraging Death to come by and say “Hello, how’s your life today?” but, we push Death to come by and say “Hello, how are you?”

I had pushed Death because I welcomed Rebirth. Death gestured me in its modesty. I ignored Birth and put it into a solitary. I was a young boy that time that did it, and I regretted it so much in my later life. I have changed. I have changed since then, and now, people would always question my angular face which has bore the skins of 27+ and above, and my biological age. It was not just Death that shoved me without grease, but other things that Birth has asked to. I am not selling myself on this but there is a lark that chirps an attune song that I, perhaps others too, have seen.

I hope one day I would show my modesty to Death, vowing to it as a congratulatory old friend who had come and ever visited me long time ago. I am still on my first chance. I would love to speak and do Love in my Birth years, and greet goodbye to Rebirth, just and only Rebirth, as I have already welcomed it.

Mark is my Rebirth’s name. Wilibrord is my Death’s name. My Birth’s name is confidentially said but it is called when that name is powerful enough to prevail Mark and Wilibrord in his life, and this has no means of provocative dishonesty.

3 a.m to 6.00 a.m.
Monday 25th July 2011

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Haha to Britney's Till The World Ends

Preparing yourself for 2012 astrological event by saying check to these, according to Britney's pantomime in the poetry in actions

Watch this video clip http://youtu.be/qzU9OrZlKb8?

1. Make sure you know how to seek protection
- Go to tunnels, longkang (drains), dumping waste system, etc

2. Wear skin tights, straps of jacketty bras, DIY-cut jeans (make sure they are tink-tops as to show misery and to indicate the dooms of jeans entrepreneurship), high heels, no sneakers, IOI A1 shoes (meant to be swagged all floors, even in the toilets), other provocative accessories like key chains, the cross, etc - on top of all these, just like toppings, they are all BLING BLING.

3. Apply make-ups on, colour and de-colour your nails, pedicure, facial-expression treatment

4. Enlist yourself as eligible for Tunnels' Community like
- if you are 15 below - don't even bother to live, just ask the spiders to eat you up.
- if you are 35 above - don't even bother to seek the New World

5. Style yourself to the substance.

6. Make sure you are not a gender phobia which gets you cross over other issues.

7. Keep on dancing for waiting the event to end. Don't hope a hope.

8. Or perhaps, keep on dancing for a hope - it's like the buggers that dance for the rain to pour down.

9. Make sure techno, house, remix, unplugged, etc musics keep blythe-ing your mind. I mean - sedate yourself.

10. Get out from your protective protected environment down there (I am not sure about E-Coli Bacterium or Leptospirosis Disease, maybe they have dispensed the whole area. Wow, fascinating.) to the New World where the skyscrapers are still pricked and which two Suns keep us healthy in Vitamin D++ all day long, so working hours are extended to 25 hours with extra ecetera (Long Deployment).


All these are checked if you are ready to check the checklist of every inch perimeter of this song. Well done Britney! No more lingerie talks like Lady Gaga in every video clip eh, I believe??? (yeah rite)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

SAGA V di Keningau, Sabah 6-11 JUN 2011

Since it holds the nature of sports participation among young Malaysians today, Sabah has never fallen behind for producing the best sportsmanships. This state has this mantra tournament which it means it is grandeur.

SAGA I & II were held in Kota Kinabalu (2003 & 2005). SAGA III was held in 2007 in Tawau, and the following two years, SAGA IV was held in Sandakan.


This time, ladies and gentlemen, KENINGAU, 2011, hosts SAGA V that accommodates 12 950 doers from 25 respective districts who are under 21, unless the games request differently, and are the native people here.

Checking on the latest SCORE BOARD, KENINGAU DISTRICT runs first which holds 3 Gold Medals, is followed by Tawau, and Kota Kinabalu has become the third ranking. Well done Keningau. yay!!


There are more days coming by....and I, as the son of Keningau, hope for my district keeps leading. I also hope that other districts keep sporting-span in this SABAH GAMES V.......I am very sad because I could not watch the hockey games where the HOQUETees play on the synthetic carpeted floor. "(

Do "like" the page on Facebook  http://www.facebook.com/pages/SAGAsukan-sabah/197451323633082

Monday, June 6, 2011

JPA scholarships for Sabahans, Sarawakians too

JPA scholarships for Sabahans, Sarawakians too

KOTA KINABALU: Chairman of the Cabinet's Technical Committee for Sabah and Sarawak Bumiputeras Tan Sri Bernard Dompok said today that he has only received a few appeals from the two states on this year's Public Service Department scholarship awards.
He said he had spoken to Minister in the Prime Minister's Department Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Aziz, who is in charge of PSD, on the appeals and would present the grounds for them.

Dompok said he had not received many appeals although he had a facebook for applicants to contact him directly.

"Perhaps they've got places already," he told reporters after opening a national seminar on biogas and palm oil mill effluent treatment here.

Dompok, who is Plantation Industries and Commodities Minister, said the five per cent quota that Sabah and Sarawak each got was to ensure that each state got at least 75 of the 1,500 scholarships awarded.

"They are also entitled to bid for other parts of the quota -- 20 per cent and 60 per cent (for top achievers) and I believe some Sabahans and Sarawakians have got into that," Dompok said.

"In fact, this year, there have been more than 75 scholarships for Sabah and more than 75 for Sarawak. That's why I have not received many complaints," he said. -- BERNAMA

Read more: JPA scholarships for Sabahans, Sarawakians too http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/JPAscholarshipsforSabahans_Sarawakianstoo/Article/#ixzz1OV3nzh4g

What a wonderful quota!
I am so impressed. "(
When I was young-I-listened-to-the-radio boy who had applied for this was rejected at the first time, then I got another chance, so I killed it - as I did not go. Why arr?

tunggang-langgang, lintang-pukang, gedebuk-gedebak sa dulu, just to compete with the outstanding students from peninsula.....

never mind la.....it's okay....I am redeemed........live life to the fruitless, so that it will be full of fruits in the next season. :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I'm quite huge

So what if I'm a bit fat and lebar now? 
Being a 24 is a start to be expanded. naturally. Sigh. My diet is off the radar already.

Friends keep asking me why my profile picture is thinner and slimmer and why me now is lebar. Haha. And family says "Nokolombon suda". Haha. So these are the proofs.

Was I like this? Yeah, I was like this.
Had a hairy chest, tummy and sorts.
Muscular - a bit only.
Age that precious time was 19 to 23.
But was not as bulky as this fella.

This fella was like me back in 16 years old to 21 years old.
Had a hairy chest, tummy and sorts.
Ever posed and poised like this.
Zaman remaja bah haha.
Then diet was on the ultimate progress.

But now, I'm quite huge. It was a tremendous appearance. Still have hairy chest, tummy and sorts. My scale was not below 100 anymore, it exceeds. Imagine it in POUNDS. But, I like the new huge me. haha. XD

This (below) is for your entertainment before you see me real in pictures and reality. If I shrunk a bit, it means I'm under stress regime or having loads of unfinished works. If I was huge-er than ever, just don't gasp "Oh my God, you are so Big, Gemuk or whatever". The fact is my age is numeric to my biological physique. Haha.

Tingu sajala.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

29th January

Being a 24 year old man does take me high in


I celebrated it with myself and friends around. I was grateful that I could have another breath for 24. I thank God for 24.

So, now, I am looking for


David Cooperfield has found it, so, I'm going to contact him hehe.


I could do waxing, stuffing, or statue like this.


This could preserve my age, youth and radiance. This should be done to me by wearing kilts with rubies and emeralds haha.

This age is for youth and it is a year fatter. :D

Friday, January 14, 2011

One Direction has sung many

If you were in a boy band, you must know to sing ballads.

Ballads are the boy band benchmark for successful platinum sales.

Simon Cowell had taught them many, so they did perform.

Girls and boys scream their names.

One Direction is the band.

Just like Westlife.

Simon's father had ever said to him that Westlife, the British boy band, would succeed in the frame of the world under Simon's care, and so they are, till now.

One Direction & Westlife are incomparable, yet comparable, nicely.

One Direction rocks the world. Hopes up!

Justin Bieber goes whack whack down down.........No offenses on J. Bieber.

The Boys

1. Zain Malik or Zayn Malik, 17 (the tenor - just like Mark Westlife)
2. Louis Tomlinson, 19 (b. ground - like Brian Westlife)
3. Liam Payne, 17 (lead singer - like Shane Westlife)
4. Niall Horan, 17 (b.ground - like Kian Westlife)
5. Harry Styles, 16 (b.ground - like Nicky Westlife)

*One Direction has been signed to Syco Music, oh yeah!


One Direction

One Direction

Thursday, January 13, 2011

2011 Rabbit Year

I am a 1987 bunny....and sometimes I do bugs on bunny (otak kuning) so it is bugs bunny hehehe. "Whacapdoc?"

This year, 2011, is Rabbit Year.......YAY!!!


And I just.....